pump this out

have you ever applied the worn out phrase "my adrenaline is pumpin!"? have you ever felt your blood pushing you arteries even you capillaries agains their walls? making your heart beats not only faster but harder. making you gasping for more air, making your brain focus only on one thing. which creates signal on enzyme and horone secreting glands to satisfy the pressure behind every cell on you body system. and your only relief is vague loneliness(for some time), or in a one side of the mountain facing the the other mountain, or in a crowd like patrons of Jesus of Nazarene?

well,i have. and the weird solution for this breathing deeply in rhythm with your heart, and shouting. lastly, during thinking about these things i realized that when one of your human system is not doing well what you feel might not wholly change. at least your are still intact with your beliefs. but when you let your emotions fell shatter you, one or all of your physical body will be affected.


non sense, i just want to shout out the stain and breath in the smell of the fabric conditioner. bleaching is not needed

it's my "first" godchild's first birthday

birthday ni zarina ann today. and i am scheduled to attend her first birthday. ann is my first-willingly-invited-and-written godfather. but i went there also because she's my neice. my first present fo her are the siopaos that my father and i made. before leaving for kalibo i really don't know what occassion i will join to. the immediate burial of my grandfather's brother? or my neice's birthday? but my father ask me to proceed to kalibo with siopaos because they will represent the family in the burial.

so, i joined my uncle with his friends for an hour ride to kalibo. i seated on the back seat facing the back literally with no roof on the pick-up. it's raining at that time. so i sat facing back, placed my red,white,blue,yellow gola shoes up on the rail and waved to anyone i saw looking at us. sometimes my shoes do the waving too. i waved to people at the further back of the funeral convoy, to a group of road fixers working on a rip rap at the edge of the cliff, to men stopping by to leak on the side of the road, to extracullicular-students who eagerly go to school even on weekends beause, there will be no class only chatting, and they don't have to wear their uniforms. if they did not notice me waving i would wistle.

the party ended good enough. but attention hunting was much more fun when i we were on the back of the truck doing anything to people we passed by with no embarrasments because they don't have any clue who we are.


t-shirt got wet and i was seen through it

meron ka ba nito?

my nanay is a member of an organization which has its main partners in Japan. every year the Japanese org. would send Japanese volunteers to mingle with people here in our town. they would ruin our family traditions every Christmas and New year because they like staying on another family's house. but i have nothing against them. my brothers always go with them and they are enjoying as well as the visitors when they go anywhere. i really don't mind them taking off my mother's time on holiday seasons because my nanay don't want me to remind it to her. fortunately, these japanese can't communicate well in english so i feel not too obliged to attend to them. until, a japanese who came for a really long stay(2months) here who knows how to speak english, a bit tagalog and a bit russian.

one day, her foster handler here in our town asked me to help her translate the books to our vernacular. the books will be donated for the children in schools and it is in Japanese. so the japanese came into our house while i was on a nap during siesta. i told her that in order for us to finish early because i am going somewhere else, we'll do these and that.

i'm passionate with my curiousity. so i asked her a lot of things while working. like

- do you have "aswang" and kapres and drafs in Japan? - no
- do you have rebels or terrorists in Japan? - yes, but no guns
- have you been to North Korea? - no, ma-hi-rap
- do you know the asian tv show Meteor Garden? - no
- why are all of your things in color pink? i don't know, it's recomended.
- why do you pronounce "L" to "R"? - we don't have "L" sound
- do you have japan version of Big Brother? - no i don't know Big Brother

i don't know why am i telling this to you, blog. i hate lapses on a conversation so i filled the gap with these questions. and it's quite amazing to have a friend who ncan't reache my shoulder when she stands straight.kidding. for years that these people meddle in our lives as we benifit from them for under priviledge, this is the first time that i "voluntarily" join them because she can understand better than others. only englis is the key.



shirt can not stained

okay na naman kami ngayon

sino ba ang taong gustong may kaaway? kung meron man, alam kong hindi niya gusto iyon, maliban na lamang kung saksakan ng sama ang ugali ng isang tao para karapatdatpat na bigyan ng leksiyon.

minsan, may pinuntahan kaming spring resort. pumunta kami doon kasi alam naming wala masyadong tao. npagdating namin sa lugar na iyon, nakita ko ang dating pulitko na kinalakihan kong batiin lagi. sa di malamang dahilan ilang beses ko siyang binati ng harap-harapan hindi niya sinasagot ang mga tanong ko at kung ano pa man. buti na lamang may mga sumasagot na kasama ko kaya hindi ako masyado napahiya. pero, ang mga bagay na ganito ay hindi nagpapabuti ng damdamin ko. dahil araw-araw kong ginagawa na ngumiti sa bawat tao na makikita ko. hindi ako mapakali dahil hindi ko mapagtanto ang dahilan kung bakit? sinabi ko iyon sa mga kasam ko, sabi nila, wag ko na lang pansinin. tama sila. pero hindi ako ganoon.

pag-uwi ko sa bahay, iniisip ko kung ano ang mga dahilan kung bakit hindi na ako pinapansin ng tao na iyon. siguro, dahil, hindi na siya pulitiko at ako ganun pa din? dahil, alam kong may kinurakot siyang pera na walang transparency kung saan napunta? dahil straight forward ang tatay ko kung ayaw niya sa isang tao, sasabihin niya sa iyo iyon at damay ako? dahil ginawa naming biro ang campaign jingle niya at narinig niya iyon? damn, sa bandang huli, naisip ko na , e, ano ngayon kung ganun siya? hindi ako yayaman sa ginagawa niya. anyway, ginamit lang naman niya ang tiwala ng tao sa kanya para gawin ang personal niyang mga plano.

pero since last year pa ginawa ang entry na ito hindi lang naipost. okay na ako ngayon..

D.O.W

naalala ko noon habang nasa jeep ako papunta kung saan-saan ay may sumakay na tatlong matatandang babae na lampas sixty years old na.

ang isa sa tatlong matanda ay tumingin sa katabi ko na isang lalaki at tinitingnan niya ito mula ulo hanggang paa, paa hanggang ulo tapos napapangiti. dahil naka salamin ako na itim hindi mapapansin na nakatingin ako sa mga modernong matatanda. bumayad ang isa sa kanila ng pamasahe:

matanda: eto ang bayad namin (inabot ang isandaang piso)
drayber: ilan po 'tong isang daan?
matanda: tatlong .....
drayber: senyor? i know! (sabay ngiti ng bawat pasahero)

bumaba ang tatlong matanda sa jeep.dahil nga hindi naman sila gaya noong sila ay nasa kabataan pa nila. ginawang pantukod ng matandang tumititingin kanina ang tuhod ng lalaking katabi ko.

dirty old women!