stitch + pain = medal

this dial up internet connection cannot make me upload a photo. I'll just repost this entry with a picture if i had a chance..

i woke up early this day to talk to my tita. after the call my tatay gave me a medal. i thought that it was for my brother, but it was really for me.. i asked why, but my father cannot answer either. i know that it is a medal that was awarded last night on our barangay's fiesta. i did not went out of the house entirely a day yesterday because it never stopped raining. the rain made me idle and more in love..i asked someone to know what is the medal for. my cousin said that i was awarded last night as one of the mythical five with the medal. i was a little satisfied for the humble reward. getting two stitches and a little facial distortion have gained a little price.. it is better than gaining nothing at all.

updating....

It is not ordinary to have an extraordinary brother

I did not came home for the fiesta because our youngest brother has been invited to join Resources for the Blind Inc.’s annual camp. Along with other visually impaired children and volunteer’s my brother will be far from us for five days for the first time. When brought my bro on the departure area with my tatay, i can see that my brother is still one of the lucky, because he’s got low vision, but others are totally blind. May mga umiyak na nanay, and chil-dren din. Tseb is moody and we worry that he will cry on their camp.
Five days has gone and we will fetch Tseb. When he stepped down the bus, facilita-tors would congratulate us that our bro has gained major awards. Too good for a first timer. From the moment we have him until the end of the day Tseb kept on talking about his experi-ences about the camp.
Sometimes when i met other kids like my brother’s age or younger, i hold them extra careful i tend to carry them than to walk with them because i am used to treat my brother extraordinarily because of his condition, he might have unwanted accidents if not taken care of seriously.


whAT’s holdING me back

nabibilang ko na into days ang mga nalalabing araw na nakatira ako sa bihirang pag-kakataon kasama ang pinsan ko at mga pinsan niya. Kapag meron kang maraming tinitirhan nagkakaroon talaga ng pananabik na bumalik sa dating tinirhan. Parang, kapag nandito ako namimiss ko ang nandoon, pero kapag ako ay nasa nandoon na, namimiss ko naman ang nandito. Magdadalawang buwan din ako sa tinatawag naming bahay sa Quezon City at ilan sa mga mamimiss ko ay ang:

- laging baradong banggerahan. Di ko mawari ang dahilan. Di rin mabilang ang dami ng Liquid Sosa na binuhos upang matanggal ang bara. Ang lababo pa ata ang umubos ng stock ng declogger sa SSG grocery. Iba’-ibang paraan na rin ang ginawa. Pero bigo akong maayos ito hanggang sa araw na ako’y lumisan sa bahay na iyon
- depektibong remote control. Na pinupukpok para gumana. Minsan nakakairita.
- Ang long standing beterano sa predyider namin. Ang candy na apat na buwan ng nandoon, ang mga pasalubong mula sa probinsya na halos apat na buwan na ring nasa loob, ang fish tocino na apat na buwan ding namamahay doon at di maubos ubos, dried fish na ilang buwan na rin pinagpiyestahan ng mga langgam. Ang to-mato paste na halos pitong buwan ng nandoon.
- pusa ni ate Del na taga ubos ng mumog namin.
- Ang ulang paper bag?!? Hehe
- Chilli powder
- Ang kakatuwang pangalan ng isang grupo ng traysikel “PAPATODA”
- Si ate Ellen ang butihing tindera ng mga gulay sa palengke na nagtuturo sa akin kung paano lutuin ang ninanais kong kainin. Kung hindi dahil sa kanya, hindi ko matututunan ang iba’t-ibang paraan ng pagluluto.

At siyempre mamimiss ko ang mga tao sa bahay. Sina Nong Ark at sa kuyang-kuyang treatment, si Jackie-Jackie ang taong kayang hanapan ng kamukha ang kahit sino na makikita sa telebesiyon, at ang paulit-ulit na pagsambit ng mga salita. Si Lucille, na wala akong ibang way na makipagkumyunikeyt sa kanya kung hindi dinaan sa away or argyumentong di kailan-gan.



These are all part of the game- physical, brag, entertaining, pain!

This my first time to play for a fiesta basketball league on our place. Playing for this kind of competition is one of my childhood dreams. I want to play, i want those who bully me when i was a kid know that i can beat them now, that only the weak uses its power over someone. Unfortunately, I did not make it to represent our Barangay for the town fiesta. And while i was still in Quezon City, it was like everyday the coach asked if i could hurry up and come home to secure a place on the basketball league. It is satisfying to know that the team needs me. I did not make it so when i came home days after the fiesta, (hirap uminglish!) habang umiikot-ikot ako sa kung saan-saan ang approach lagi sa akin ay kung bakit ngayon lang daw ako umuwi, sayang dapat pasok pa kami sa championship or what. It is flattering to hear those comments from other people because i can feel my importance, which is rare.
But i made it to join a little league composed only of our barangay’s residence. For two years, our team did not make it to the semi finals. Worst was last year when the team did not won any game. I was not around to play that time kaya damang dama ang presence ko this season. Dahil we made it through the semi-finals. Mayabang ako eh, but i did not do all the job, we are one team, and we did our best to win. Habang naglalaro ako, the live game commentator always said na sayang daw ako, dapat nandito ako nung past game every-time i made some points. I just smiled dahil compliment yun for me.
Okay, nakapasok na kami sa semi-finals, just a game won, we will be playing for the finals. We defeated all the teams except for one team that is the strongest. One of the amaz-ing plays was with the police team. Yes, we played with the police. I sometimes joked them asking how does it feels being whistled for their violations instead of the other way around. The police just laughed and defeated.
But, not all great nice things lasts long. Wala pa sa kalahati ang first game of the semi finals when i get elbowed on my left eye. I stopped playing, I held unto my eye then when i looked at my palm, i said that this is not good when i saw blood. Nakakabastos lang, dahil the game still contoinued. Pumunta ako sa sa bench and my teammates looked at my eye, the referee, my little brother. When, i looked it through the mirror and realized that i must be out of the game, i washed it, and went to go to a clinic. Akala ko kakayanin pa ng band aid ang cut but it was deep and wide open so dapat tahiin. The doctor stitched it twice. Keeping me assured that it will reduce the scars I might get. Especially i am a keloid former. The doctor was a friend so he charged nothing to me except for the thread used to stitch. Alam ko na takot ang tatay ko sa karayom and tahi, but he was with me when i was treated. I realized na hindi naman pala masakit ang tahiin. I only hope that it will not make a huge mark on my face.
It is all part of the game. Sabi nila nung nasiko ako ni Tomas sa mata, the stitch was okay for me, but the black eye is humiliating. I kept on accepting that this is just a part of the game. But when i recall some of the games we played, he was never good at this sport, mainitin ang ulo and i feel that i am intimidating him dahil magkasing laki lang kami. I accept that this is part of a game, but what draws my anger out is that this is how he plays his game. Then hindi na maganda yun. But i will never avenge my vulnerability, dahil talo pa din ako.
The final part was that, natalo kami and they won, because i was out of the game. Naks. Yabang ko.

And i would like to thank the following persons and institutions for their contributions:

- mga kapatid ko na sina Parod and Ilku for refilling my water bottle when i am rehydrating, buying me chocolates and running errands for me.
- sa asawa ni Neil na head ng team namin, for preparing a series of merienda after every victorious play. Sa sopas, sa caldo, tinapay at juice
- sa mga nagdonate ng moral, financial and expertise for the game.
- kay Jawok sa pagpapahiram ng kanyang high cut rubber shoes.
- sa bagong CR ng simbahan lalo na kapag napasobra ako sa tubig
- kay tatay ko sa pagpapahiram ng kanyang oversize shirts.
- kay tsokolate sa inspirasyon, pag-aalala, lucky charm sa reminders na laging mag ingat.
- sa AFS foundation sa kanilang free towels para pamunas sa pawisan kong mukha.
- kay Doctor Tugon, sa nurse at sa volunteer nurse sa libreng serbisyo noong nasiko ako.
- sa bike na galing Japan na parang anime na ginagamit ko para maehersisyo ang aking binti.
- at sa mga fans!!! Wala kami kung wala kayo, at wala kayo kung wala kami.

everything is nice

         i was with my mom when we went on to fix some things in quezon city.  i was patientlt waiting for us to finish and proceed for the next agenda of the day when i saw mini posters posted randomly anywhere on the glass wall.  it caught my attention because i have nothing to do... and here are some of the qoutes i remember, cheesy but if were to wait two hours sitting alone coming from a three hour sleep, you will surely notice even something like this;

 

   love is composed of a single soul inhabiting to bodies

   the heart has reasons that reasons can not understand

   at a touch of love, everyone become a poet

 

ASSuming

recently habang wala kaming magawa, kinakanta namin ang mga kantang OPM. pinalitan namin ang subject on it's opposite. di naman masama kasi parang ang yabang ng dating like this song "bakit ngayon ka lang". minus the female lyrics

Bakit ngayon lang ako
Bakit ngayon kung kelan ang puso mo'y meron nang laman

ako sana ang 'yong yakap-yakap
Ang aking kamay ang iyong laging hawak
At hindi kanya...

Bakit ngayon lang ako dumating sa buhay mo
Pilit binubuksan ang sarado mo nang puso
ako ba ay nararapat sa iyo?
At siya ba’y dapat mo nang limutin
Nais mong malaman bakit ngayon lang ako dumating

anything

      i am in love again.  and i am getting on to the cool jive.  no more rocks, just smooth.  masarap ang pakiramdam ng isang inlove, lahat ng nakikita ay katangi-tangi.  nagiging chocolate ulit ako.  sana laging ganito.  kahit medyo sad na ako, and it is inivetable because of some reasongs. 

---

     naging mabait sa akin ang tadhana ngayong araw.  lahat ng oras ang favor ay nasa akin..

under pressure

wala muna akong ipapaskil sa mga oras na ito dahil hindi kanais-nais ang nararamdaman kong lungkot, takot, at pagsisisi ngayon. patawad sa pag-gawa ng wala, na nakakasira..

gusto ko na sanang palitan ang playing song sa blog page na ito, pero gusto ko pa rin pakinggan ang ibig sabihin nito. anyway, naging mahirap para sa akin ang last three days. meron kasi akong clogged nose. it is not easy to talk normally, laging nasal ang tone ng boses ko. pero i am still a positive thinker dahil i find it abnormally nice to say words on its nasal sound. parang mabait na ako.
gumawa ako ng chicken aloha kanina for breakfast. iyon kasi ang special dish ni ate, pero since it was my first to cook that kind of dish, di masyadong masarap.. dahil, inlove ako, gumagawa ako ng entry kahit sobrang mababaw ang dahilan, or it can't attract my reader's attention. gusto ko lang malaman ng mambabasa na kahit anong gawin ko, o ginagawa ko in-love pa din ako. but it does not neccessarily mean that i am in love to whom, it might be to what. like, i love everything that i have done or been doing. so, why not tell things or person i am in love with than things i considered lame for a in loved? hmm, oo nga no? i answered my own quetion. kasi po, may mga bagay na hindi kailangang sabihin. there are things that shouldn't be said directly. kaya nga may blog ako e, so that i can express what i feel in a figurative way as much as possible. it might an act of cowardness. maybe, pero i know that i have my reasons to make everything undirectly said. so iyon. di ko alam kung bakit ko sinasabi to. it seems like i am just reflecting. pero blog ko to. bahala kayo.

ngiti.

 

tsokolate ganyan ka lang lagi ha?

mga literal

literally;
- wala akong maisip na mangandang i-post ngayon(excluding this)
- wala akong pera
- iisa lang ang tumatakbo sa isip ko (pagod na nga siya eh)
- nakapula ako ngayon, from shirt to shorts
- in-love ako (lagi naman)
- gutom pa ako
- gusto ko lang ayusin ang theme ng blog ko into Silent Sanctuary's Fuschiang Pag-ibig album. na sobrang namiss ko. in love?
- malungkot ako sa mga nangyayari
- tumataba na ulit ako
- i miss my brothers
- nagpapansin lang ako
- mahaba na ang buhok ko
- nakakaya ko pang tiisin.

ngiti

chocolate 2 - ang story ng ferrero rocher

      nakakatakot na ang mga nagdaang apat na gabing laging ganito.  tsokolate na naman ang dahilan ng mga ito.  mula ngayon, tsokolate na ang tawag ko sa iyo.  apat na gabi na akong natutunaw sa bawat panaginip na tanging ikaw lamang ang paksa.  nakakatakot, dahil lubhang hindi na nalilimitahan ng aking sarili ang pag-ibig na nadarama ko para sa iyo, kapwa ko tsokolate.  nakakatakot, ang dahilan kasi kung bakit laman ka na lamang lagi ng isang magandang panaginip ay halos buong araw kitang iniisip.  hanggang imahinasyon ka lang.  ang lahat ng mga naiisip ng utak kong nakatuon lamang sa iyo ay ginagawan ng palabas sa entablado ng panaginip.  wari'y totoo, parang totoo, ayaw kong magising, pero ginigising pa rin ako ng reyalidad na hindi ka matutunaw sa palad ko, kundi sa palad ng iba.  natutunaw ako kapag naalala ko kung paano mo ang tingnan.apat na gabing magagandang panaginip, pansamantala, ngunit sobrang masaya.kaya pumapaitaas ang mga salitang ito dahil iyon ang nararamdaman ko.  parang inaangat ang damdamin ko mula sa pagkalunod nito sa baha ng hinagpis at alon ng pag-iisa..kaya kulay tsokolate ulit ang "entry" na ito.  lahat dahil umiibig ako..

---

      the other night, we watched the PBB teens tv program.  mayroong "kilig" scene doon bout nicole and yosef(ba yun?)  there are four people in the apartment where i am staying.  two boys and two girls.  pero sa napansin ko, kami lang ng pinsan ko ang kinilig(oo, kinilig, wag ka ng kumontra), but the ladies didn't.  it made me curious kung bakit hindi sila masyadong kinilig.  then i realized, maybe in the way the approach was being done.  on that part kasi, it was the girl ang unang lumapit sa lalaki.  tried to talked to him, ask for apology, and others.  cried, then okay na.  siyempre maganda yun for us guys, but not too much for a girl.  maybe that's why.  hindi naman ako kikiligin kung may makikita akong lalaki na gumawa ng lahat para sa girl.  something about gender aspects.

---

      last night, noong luto na ang nilagang baka na gawa ko, nang nasira ko ang rice cooker that i didn't know how.  after naligo dahil sobrang mainit.  jackie and i made some hmm, rare-chatting.  rare, kasi we talked about how our emotional states have been.  it was a bit more than chatting kasi, nagulat dahil parang two hours ang usapan na iyon.  masaya ako, dahil, nakashare ko si jackie sa mga tinatago ko.  i mean, this is rare dahil sobrang cautious ako kapag kausap ko ang mga tao na ngayon lang ako nakilala.  it was a bit relieving din kasi dahil nga madaming nang sobra sa nararamdaman ko, naishare ko iyon figuratively.  so yun.next time ulit

chocolate

di naman kailangan na pink lagi ang kulay kapag inlove. a chocolate from ark made me realize that i am inlove. or it's just the chocolate that made me inlove. kaya kulay chocolate din ang font color nito. kaya gumagalaw din ang post na ito. mga dahilan na gusto kong ipahiwatig na ako ay umiibig kahit walang dahilan, kahit isa lang ang dahilan. parang tsokolate akong natutunaw tuwing inaalala ko ang bawat tingin na blanko, at parang ako na lang ang maglalagay ng kahulugan ng pagtitig na iyon. parang nasa dalampasigan ako tuwing sumusunod ang kanyang buhok sa bawat lingon. nakakatakot umibig. dahil lahat gagawin mo para hindi na iyon mawalan sa iyo. lahat kahit ang hindi dapat gawin, ginagagawa. lahat, para sa iniibig, ginagawa ng umiibig para sa pag ibig. tsokolate, nagugustuhan na rin kitang kainin, kahit ayaw ko ng iyong sobrang tamis ngunit habang natutunaw ka sa aking mga daliri bago kita kainin, napagtanto ko na umiibig ako. tsokolateng tumigas sa lamig ng pridyeder ngayon ay natutunaw na sa init na dala ng pag-ibig. cheesy

di ko alam kung ano specifically ang ilalagay sa post ko ngayon. there's just a lot of things that i want to "share". una, since ako lang ang halos walang ginagawa, bunso and bored. taong bahay ako. i cooked anything, kahit di nakakaain, basta taong bahay. cooking. it is not what i am used to with. i remember when i am in vacation in the province. tatay would ask me everytime about out viand for the next meal. i always reply na kahit ano lang. now i know why tatay ask me about sa ulam namin. ang hirap palang magisip ng uulamin. lalo na kung walang nagsa-suggest na gusto nilang kainin. i cooked a lot more than i have to. pero masaya ako kasi nakakain ko naman ang niluluto ko. doing the kitchen works most of the time, nadadama ko na rin ang pagmahal ng bigas at ngayon ng mga karne. mahal!! blame it on the media. if they didn't report the rice shortage, rice businessmen might not thought of increasing their goods. dahil hindi naman ganun ka kulang ang bigas para magtaas agad.
last night, i dreamed of playing basketball. it was expected kasi yun ang nagpapabother sa akin these days. yabang "aside", tuwing umaga coach texts me na umuwi na daw ako. i am feeling the need for me? kaya i am now wanting to go home if there will be just ba chance to go to. people who are close to might say that it will be just a waste of time, that i should prioritize my goals first. but i think when much more closer individuals might know about this, they will agree with me, i guess. kasi, bata pa ako, i always widh that someday i will be part of the league playing for my own fullfillment. ayaw ko ng taga cheer lang. di lang kasi nabibigyan ng chance nun dahil my body cannot stand the game. pero ngayon alam kong kaya ko na.. and i also want to play, dahil gusto ko may makukwento ako sa mga anak ko balang araw about how my adolescent days went. dahil literally, i have much less to share to my offsprings. compared to may tatay telling us too many stories about his younger years. ako wala. wala sa katiting ng sa tatay ko.. kaya yun..
hmmmm, wala na akong masabi. uulitin ko na lang ang lagi kong sinasabi. i am in love, i am always in love. dahil if i am not, papayat ako, i easily lose weight on emo stress than the physical stress.

welcome back ayi- plus "the edna's thanks party plus kitakits

i was in Laguna yesterday. may paparty kasi si ednalyn dahil pumasa siya. despite the distance(yeah), pumunta ako kasi i want to see good old friends too maliban sa food gusto ko din makita ang folks ni edna. i was the first guest there. then came another edna's friend and we were the first to eat. then came, the rest of the people. si kate, na nakita ko na straight ang buhok for the first time on her broad shoulders.. glenn, si kuya glenn i teased. na joker pa din, then came jd, na katerno ang table cloth sa occassion. patre a not so friend friend, and later, si april which made me laughed sarcastically when her tummy camed out. and lastly, sina arvie, ang tanging may trabaho sa mga tao dun, and si ayi, who just came from the U.S.. i missed everyone. masaya, we sang, drunk a bit of alcohol, and ate a lot. a lot. came in late at night nagsiuwian na..natulog na din ako
early in the morning ginising ako ni wyeth, ang cute nephew ni edna nagulat ako kasi ginising ako. i suddenly missed my brothers when he asked me to watch him play his psp. nakakatuwa, he sat beside me while i was still lying. he thought that i couldn't watch him playing, humiga siya sa tiyan ko. natutuwa ako, para akong daddy, i was dearly touched by a 5 year old who barely knows me
dumaan akong perps, missed it kahit papaano, then uwi na ako qc. mahabang biyahe, pero i was satisfied. the only problem today is that i am so damn, lonely. i feel alone, i feel incomplete, i need something, or someone. damn it. damn this

earth hour - my moment hour

while cooking for dinner, naalala ko na on the night of march 29th, at 8pm, is time for the earth"s favor to come in. we turned off our lights kahit lights lang ang hinihingi, we also including the tv set. only a radio and a fan were running. it was quite a nice night, cooking without light(almost done din naman), bathing without light. i have realized many things on a quite 1 hour of that night. it helped me feel a little at ease because i knew that i helped. i helped to lessen the earth's problem, even if i can't do the same to mine. narealize ko din that what my mother does for preserving nature makes her feel this way. the way i felt. masaya. fullfilling. i hope lahat ng tao sa mundo, aware na sa lahat. that a traditional burning of dried leaves to smoke a tree is considered not good today. that if we thought that; why the heck are we doing this since others don't really mind to do, should be reversed. masarap tumira kasama ng kalikasan. nararanasan ko yun. that is why i still want to live in the province. unlike in the city. in our place i am not afraid to breathe in deeply beacuse i know that the air i breathe is cleaner than to my thoughts.

gusto mong magkape?

yesterday, i was surprised by a text message from a former classmate. she asked me if i am in laguna because she wants to invite me for a coffee. i was really surprised dahil if someone might invite me for a coffee joan will be least likely to invite me. i was touch. yeah touch ako. hmmm, napilitan akong maginternet dahil someone asked me about an international artist's name on a movie. nakalimutan ko ang name kaya naginternet pa ako. nahanap ko na. her name is Sophia Myles.

mga munting istorya na lahat magaganda

isang araw, bigla akong nairita dahil binara ako ng isang tao dahil concern lang ako... so, to at least contain my temper only to myself without letting her(them) know (na alam na siguro), i planned to visit laguna. it was possible the next day. pumunta akong laguna ulit. i was able to have my lunch with ate. pinagbigyan ako sa little favor na hiningi ko. i was really glad. ang tagal nga lang dumating. i was running out of sugar, nanginginig na sa gutom, pero dumating naman.. nakakagulat na entrance sa jollibee(i am always surprised). she didn't know that a gay was staring at me a lot of times before she arrived. a little limited conversation. i teased ate to watch the movie "supahpapalicious" but i think she will not still watch it kahit libre ko na ang lahat.it was an amazing starving afternoon.. then i headed back to the real home. my new cousin was there, so tiny and delicate. i like kids, but i son't trust myself on handling infants. natatakot ako. i fixed some things for two days until i was satisfied that the house looks fine and in order again.
bakit ganun, lagi na lang ako pinapansin ng mga bading, hindi ng mga babae..hehe. kasi inayos ko ang motorcycle ng tito ko, so i went to a cycle parts store. two gays were there, nagpapaayos ng motor nila, when i bought a tube for the tire replacement and looked for a vulcanizing shop. i found one and coincidentally, ryan, who also have his car repaired there. we talked for a while when the "vulcanator" said that the tire i bought will not fit my tire. so i went back again to the store, the lady gave me another size of tube then before i left these two gays asked my name, so sinabi ko ang name ko. i don't want to be rude just because they are gays. but, the replacement i bought didn't fit again, so i went back to the store and the gays laughed and started to ask where i live. i said "malayo", then left. at the shop, upon giving the "vulcanator" the tube i told him na " kuya, kapag mali pa yang gulong na yan, malalaman na ng mga bakla ang number ko" ryan just laughed. so okay na iyon at last.
the next day, hatid sundo ko ang mga pinsan ko to their school. too bad, the day was extremely hotter than me, nangitim pa ako lalo. i went back to quezon city after i heard from the news that pacquiao's motorcade has passed buendia ang quirino. i dropped by ayala and made my self exercised my legs by strolling down at sm and glorietta. on my way home, i don't know what kind of approach will i make. i am still a bit disappointed. but my nickname is really who i am. it was okay afterall in the apartment. again, i looked like mario the plumber in this apartment. the sink was clogged again(di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ng bumara ang lababo) and my slight obsessive-compulsive behavior made me idle all day. i've done almost nothing. nanghihina ako kapag may masisirang routine sa araw-araw kong ginagawa.
last night i was on a temporary ecstasy. an estimated 6 hour only baguio visit..pero ang pangit, it was a blighted baguio trip. sasama sana ako sa kasama ko sa bahay, except for so many reasons why i shouldn't be. i like to go, after she invited me if i want to go with her. inside, i would like to. but i ellicited some words of not wanting to go, to analyze the "invitor's" opinion. but, considering my boundaries, i made some parameters on going or not going. and the next events says, i will not go. ironically, it was damn hot last night. kahit industrial fan ang meron sa room namin, ang init pa din. siguro it was just a psyshological reaction of the blighted baguio trip. but, because of that, i was able to finish the "dexter" series. something about killings and more on witty analizations.
naku ang haba na, just made a tuna sandwich for merienda kanina. it was amazing, dahil this is my first time to make one. hala, nawili ako, i have to make viand for dinner pa. magugutom na si jackie.haha. kaya eto lang muna for this day. siguro this is enough to fill in my days of being unupdated.

the oathtaking day-and other side stories

ang pinakakahintay na araw ay dumating na. the oath taking day, mahaba ang biyahe from qc to pasay. when i first saw the smx convention center just beside mall of asia, i was really amazed. ang laki, and it is wide. it is a modern gathering center. ang daming tao din. nagulat ako nung may lumapit sa akin na babae and pinned a ribbon on me, she told me that those were for pictures. kukunan daw kami ng official photographer ng prc. i asked kung may bayad, siympre meron daw. and i replied "kung may bayad, siyempre ayaw ko" tinanggakl niya ang ribbon. daming nakawhite. i looked for dmay, then it was wonderful again. nakapgausap na ulit kami after a long time. then, kinausap namin ang mga seat mates namin para di sana boring. but it turned out that they were more noisy than us, kaya parang hindi ako masyadong nakinig sa mga sinasabi ng mga speakers sa ceremony. dmay and i call ourselves soulmates. kasi we were together on everything we surpassed of failed to do. from la salle to perpetual, to nle, to oathtaking.. sa paguwi namin, nakita ko si keo na ntakot bigla ng hinila ko siya. i figured out that he was suddenly firghtened dahil nagkaroon ng resistance when i dragged him..nakakatawang tingnan ang mukha ng danggago..

talk anytime - a sun cellular unlimited call and text for a period of time

on an unxpected travel to ryan's house for a little get together basketball in Cavite, i was with a middle-aged woman on my side. then may tinawagan siya stating something about debts. hindi ako tsismoso but my ears are really sensitive so i got to remember what she said. ang sabi niya, she needs the money na pinahiram niya sa taong kausap niya. that di niya pupuntahan ang lugar ng kausap niya kung di dahil sa pera. ayaw niyang mabigo, na pinagkatiwalaan niya ang kausap niya kaya siya pinautang. sa flow ng conversation, sinabi ata ng kausap niya na tatawag na lang siya ulit baka maubos na ang load ng katabi ko, pero ang nainingil said na okay lang dahil, naka "sun" naman sila, unlicall naman, kaya walang problema. it seemed that the kausap ran out of reasons not to call again because the woman has a sun cellulat phone as her service provider.

this was one of the extremely useful benefits that an unlimited call can do. you are compromised to say yes when you really want to say no.

rerrouting...

on my way to ryan's house, i was in a little eagerness to do something out of longingness. bumaba ako sa isang public place, then change my route to somewhere i used to go late in the evening. i brought something that later on wasn't able to give. dahil i was reminded by own self to know my limitations. siguro di ko dapat sinasabi to, pero this is my blog, my other container for overflowing anything from my subconscious. it was still a nice meeting.

the "meet the spartans" day

alam ko na sa march 12 ipapalabas na ang movie na ito. matagal ko ng inantay na mapanood to. di ko lang alam kung sino ang sasama sa akin. my cousin has already watched the movie for free, pa. after partially cleaned the house, there was nothing to do already. "boring" sabi ng kasama ko. kung ako lang, i am not bored, dahil madami naman pwedeng gawin. kaya, pagkatapos marinig ng ilang beses ang salitang "boring" tinapon ang kape sa sahig, at medyo nainsulto ( dahil parang ibig sabihin pati ako ay boring), going out was one of the safest way to do to alleviate boredom, and preserve the civil relationship. pero it wasn't easy. maniwala ka.
from start to end ng movie, tawa ako ng tawa. iba't-ibang uri ng tawa. pilit, natural, pigil, hagikhik, iba iba. kasi naman ang kasama ko, masyadong sentsitive sa mga reactions ko. kasi ganun din ako. kaya may mga pacute na tawa.haha. literally tawa ako ng tawa. lalo na sa blue frame, and sa dance showdown. di ko kasi maisip halimbawa na ganun nga talaga ang mga warriors. plus ang compltely opposite way of greeting a person. the way they walk, of march. lahat. dagdagan pa ng obnoxious na ill-mannered- na nanonood sa likod namin.
sabi ng kasama ko, masakit daw ang panga niya sa kakatawa. sinabi ko na lang na kasalanan niya. di kasi tumatawa lagi, kaya nanibago ang jaw muslces. ako kinabag sa sobrang tawa. puro tawanan, minsan lang to. niliubos ko na. masaya ang kabuuan ng araw kahit ang simula naman ng araw na sumunod ay literal na kabaliktaran..

inantay ko ang araw na ito. kasi sasabihin ko na ang di ko na kayang itago pa. one of the reasons why i acquire a blog account is for me to say everything specially those things i know i should not be telling anyone personally. since yesterday, gustong-gusto ko ng ilagay sa blog na 'to ang mga gusto kong sabihin. pero aside from it, may mga bagay at events din na mga nangyari. like nagkita na kami ng bestfriend kong si jha, for quite almost a year without seeing her, sobrang namiss ko siya. finally nagkita nga kami. for alittle time nawala kunti ang pagkamiss ko. but i know we have to see each other more often kasi madami pa kaming paguusapan. this is so far the best day since i have been here 9days ago.
so here i am again, sa real deal. medyo mahaba ang kwento na ito. and alam ko na kung sino man ang makakabasa nito might laugh at me. like my pinsan. pero yun, it was only yesterday na hindi ko na kinayang icontain ang nasa isip ko. the one that keeps me stressed out, ang nagpapayat sa akin, ang nagpapangit sa akin. ang reason din why i am having nightmares that happens frequently than before the one that bothers me a lot. more bother some than waiting the nle board result. ang dahilan din kung bakit lahat ng kantang naririnig ko laging sa dahilan na ito ako dinadala. "you're so close, but still a world away" sabi sa kanta ni madonna. kahit you view the phrase literally or figuratively o kahit ano pa, it still fits. i, myself didn't expect that i'll be haunted by my "what if's". after graduating, i vowed that i will answer all my what if's so that on the right time, i will have no regrets or panghihinyangan. ang totoo i am never fixed on my emotions. wala din akong concrete aim kung bakit ko to ipa-publish. gusto ko lang sabihin na sinusubukan na naman ako ng pagkakataon. ang hirap sa sitwasyon na ganito. gusto kong sumigaw na nagiging mahalaga na ang taong hindi ko dapat pahalagahan ng ganito. ayoko talagang natutulala dahil lang sa ganito.
may mga bagay na dapat hayaan na lang talaga na ganun. i feel like i not ready yet. i need to see her again para masasabi ko ang halos lahat. hmm, mukhang sobra na itong sinasabi ko. basta, salamat sa blog na ito. kung wala to, siguro, mamamatay na ako sa bangungot dahil sa katatago ng mga bagay, ng nararamdaman. gusto ko lang ilabas ang iba kasi di ko kayang itago ang lahat. salamat blog ha?
this sensless pero sometimes something like having this stupid idea of publishing craziness helps me a lot. lalo na kung mababasa niya ito. pero i think you don't know kung sino to. but thank you for reading.

and if you know the direct english translation ng "sayang" please let me know.thanks

the post waterfalls adventure (mga rason kaya nagawa ang trek na to)

medyo mahaba ang story about the post waterfalls event.. pero i am still eager to share these;

- madulas ang daan pauwi. we went home following the river's flow. mabato, madulas, i was holding a camera, anticipating any slip offs, di ko mabilang ang times na nadulas ako, kasi di ko tinanggal ang tsinelas ko. i sacrificed ang mga body parts ko wag ang masira ang camera. parang pag-ibig. huh?

- ala tarzan. while tracking down the river to the nearest barrio. we found a a "baging" . matibay yun, tapos makapal, parang 3inches in diameter. isa isang akyatan dun. i took photos, gaya ng nasa friendster ko. nakakatakot lang na umakyat pa much higher dahil pag nahulog ka, lagot ako.

- di siya nagiisa. dahil first time ko na umuwi via the river. nalaman ko na ang waterfalls isn't the only main sourxe of the water in the river(?) kasi isang stream lang ang talon, it is not the main supplier of water.

- i am with 12 high school students. lahat magkaklase. imagine, may pasok pa sila, 12 na estudyante ang umabsent. that is too unbelievable kung concidence lang na umabsent sila at same time. problem is, the nect day, pinagalitan daw sila, and were asked to call their parents.

- the next day. ang sakit ng lahat ng anterior leg muscles ko. from the rectus femoris to the sartorius. still satisfied.